I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

O Sacred Head, Now Wounded
(Salve caput cruentatum)
by Bernard of Clairvaux (1090-1153)
translated by James Waddel Alexander (1804-1859)

 sacred Head, now wounded,
with grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded
with thorns, Thine only crown;
How pale Thou art with anguish,
with sore abuse and scorn!
How does that visage languish,
which once was bright as morn!

What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered,
was all for sinners’ gain;
Mine, mine was the transgression,
but Thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Savior!
’Tis I deserve Thy place;
Look on me with Thy favor,
vouchsafe to me Thy grace.

Men mock and taunt and jeer Thee,
Thou noble countenance,
Though mighty worlds shall fear Thee
and flee before Thy glance.
How art thou pale with anguish,
with sore abuse and scorn!
How doth Thy visage languish
that once was bright as morn!

Now from Thy cheeks has vanished
their color once so fair;
From Thy red lips is banished
the splendor that was there.
Grim death, with cruel rigor,
hath robbed Thee of Thy life;
Thus Thou hast lost Thy vigor,
Thy strength in this sad strife.

My burden in Thy Passion,
Lord, Thou hast borne for me,
For it was my transgression
which brought this woe on Thee.
I cast me down before Thee,
wrath were my rightful lot;
Have mercy, I implore Thee;
Redeemer, spurn me not!

What language shall I borrow
to thank Thee, dearest friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow,
Thy pity without end?
O make me Thine forever,
and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never
outlive my love to Thee.

My Shepherd, now receive me;
my Guardian, own me Thine.
Great blessings Thou didst give me,
O source of gifts divine.
Thy lips have often fed me
with words of truth and love;
Thy Spirit oft hath led me
to heavenly joys above.

Here I will stand beside Thee,
from Thee I will not part;
O Savior, do not chide me!
When breaks Thy loving heart,
When soul and body languish
in death’s cold, cruel grasp,
Then, in Thy deepest anguish,
Thee in mine arms I’ll clasp.

The joy can never be spoken,
above all joys beside,
When in Thy body broken
I thus with safety hide.
O Lord of Life, desiring
Thy glory now to see,
Beside Thy cross expiring,
I’d breathe my soul to Thee.

My Savior, be Thou near me
when death is at my door;
Then let Thy presence cheer me,
forsake me nevermore!
When soul and body languish,
oh, leave me not alone,
But take away mine anguish
by virtue of Thine own!

Be Thou my consolation,
my shield when I must die;
Remind me of Thy passion
when my last hour draws nigh.
Mine eyes shall then behold Thee,
upon Thy cross shall dwell,
My heart by faith enfolds Thee.
Who dieth thus dies well.

uke 23-24
(Geneva Bible)
23:1 Then the whole multitude of them arose, and led him vnto Pilate.
2 And they began to accuse him, saying, We haue found this man peruerting the nation, and forbidding to pay tribute to Cesar, saying, That he is Christ a King.
3 And Pilate asked him, saying, Art thou the King of the Iewes? And hee answered him, and sayd, Thou sayest it.
4 Then sayd Pilate to the hie Priests, and to the people, I finde no fault in this man.
5 But they were the more fierce, saying, He moueth the people, teaching throughout all Iudea, beginning at Galile, euen to this place.
6 Nowe when Pilate heard of Galile, he asked whether the man were a Galilean.
7 And when he knewe that he was of Herods iurisdiction, he sent him to Herod, which was also at Hierusalem in those dayes.
8 And when Herod sawe Iesus, hee was exceedingly glad: for he was desirous to see him of a long season, because he had heard many things of him, and trusted to haue seene some signe done by him.
9 Then questioned hee with him of many things: but he answered him nothing.
10 The hie Priests also & Scribes stood forth, and accused him vehemently.
11 And Herod with his men of warre, despised him, and mocked him, and arayed him in white, and sent him againe to Pilate.
12 And the same day Pilate and Herod were made friends together: for before they were enemies one to another.
13 Then Pilate called together the hie Priests and the rulers, and the people,
14 And sayd vnto them, Ye haue brought this man vnto me, as one that peruerted the people: and beholde, I haue examined him before you, and haue found no fault in this man, of those things whereof ye accuse him:
15 No, nor yet Herod: for I sent you to him: and loe, nothing worthy of death is done of him.
16 I will therefore chastise him, and let him loose.
17 (For of necessitie hee must haue let one loose vnto them at the feast.)
18 Then all ye multitude cried at once, saying, Away with him, and deliuer vnto vs Barabbas:
19 Which for a certaine insurrection made in the citie, and murther, was cast in prison.
20 Then Pilate spake againe to them, willing to let Iesus loose.
21 But they cried, saying, Crucifie, crucifie him.
22 And he sayd vnto them the third time, But what euill hath he done? I finde no cause of death in him: I will therefore chastise him, and let him loose.
23 But they were instant with loude voyces, and required that he might be crucified: and the voyces of them and of the hie Priests preuailed.
24 So Pilate gaue sentence, that it should be as they required.
25 And he let loose vnto them him that for insurrection and murther was cast into prison, whome they desired, and deliuered Iesus to doe with him what they would.
26 And as they led him away, they caught one Simon of Cyrene, comming out of the fielde, and on him they layde the crosse, to beare it after Iesus.
27 And there followed him a great multitude of people, and of women, which women bewailed and lamented him.
28 But Iesus turned backe vnto them, & said, Daughters of Hierusalem, weepe not for me, but weepe for your selues, and for your children.
29 For behold, the dayes wil come, when men shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombes that neuer bare, and the pappes which neuer gaue sucke.
30 Then shall they begin to say to the mountaines, Fall on vs: and to the hilles, Couer vs.
31 For if they doe these things to a greene tree, what shalbe done to the drie?
32 And there were two others, which were euill doers, led with him to be slaine.
33 And when they were come to the place, which is called Caluarie, there they crucified him, and the euill doers: one at the right hand, and the other at the left.
34 Then sayd Iesus, Father, forgiue them: for they know not what they doe; they parted his raiment, and cast lottes.
35 And the people stoode, and behelde: and the rulers mocked him with them, saying, He saued others: let him saue himselfe, if hee be that Christ, the Chosen of God.
36 The souldiers also mocked him, and came and offered him vineger,
37 And said, If thou be the King of the Iewes, saue thy selfe.
38 And a superscription was also written ouer him, in Greeke letters, and in Latin, and in Hebrewe, This is that King of The Iewes.
39 And one of the euill doers, which were hanged, railed on him, saying, If thou be that Christ, saue thy selfe and vs.
40 But the other answered, and rebuked him, saying, Fearest thou not God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation?
41 We are in deede righteously here: for we receiue things worthy of that we haue done: but this man hath done nothing amisse.
42 And he sayd vnto Iesus, Lord, remember me, when thou commest into thy kingdome.
43 Then Iesus said vnto him, Verely I say vnto thee, to day shalt thou be with me in Paradise.
44 And it was about the sixt houre: and there was a darkenes ouer all the land, vntill the ninth houre.
45 And the Sunne was darkened, and the vaile of the Temple rent through the middes.
46 And Iesus cryed with a loude voyce, and sayd, Father, into thine hands I commend my spirit; when hee thus had sayd, hee gaue vp the ghost.
47 Nowe when the Centurion saw what was done, he glorified God, saying, Of a suretie this man was iust.
48 And all the people that came together to that sight, beholding the things, which were done, smote their brestes, and returned.
49 And all his acquaintance stood a farre off, and the women that followed him from Galile, beholding these things.
50 And beholde, there was a man named Ioseph, which was a counseller, a good man and a iust.
51 Hee did not consent to the counsell and deede of them, which was of Arimathea, a citie of the Iewes: who also himselfe waited for the kingdome of God.
52 He went vnto Pilate, and asked the body of Iesus,
53 And tooke it downe, & wrapped it in a linnen cloth, and laide it in a tombe hewen out of a rocke, wherein was neuer man yet laide.
54 And that day was the preparation, and the Sabbath drewe on.
55 And the women also that followed after, which came with him from Galile, behelde the sepulchre, and how his body was layd.
56 And they returned and prepared odours, and ointments, and rested the Sabbath day according to the commandement.

24:1 Nowe the first day of the weeke early in the morning, they came vnto the sepulchre, and brought the odours, which they had prepared, and certaine women with them.
2 And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre,
3 And went in, but found not the body of the Lord Iesus.
4 And it came to passe, that as they were amased thereat, beholde, two men suddenly stood by them in shining vestures.
5 And as they were afraide, & bowed downe their faces to the earth, they sayd to them, Why seeke ye him that liueth, among the dead?
6 He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake vnto you, when he was yet in Galile,
7 Saying, that the sonne of man must be deliuered into the hands of sinfull men, and be crucified, and the third day rise againe.
8 And they remembred his wordes,
9 And returned from the sepulchre, & tolde all these things vnto the eleuen, and to all the remnant.
10 Now it was Mary Magdalene, and Ioanna, and Mary the mother of Iames, and other women with them, which tolde these things vnto the Apostles.
11 But their wordes seemed vnto them, as a fained thing, neither beleeued they them.
12 Then arose Peter, and ran vnto the sepulchre, & looked in, & saw the linnen clothes laide by themselues, and departed wondering in himselfe at that which was come to passe.
13 And beholde, two of them went that same day to a towne which was from Hierusalem about threescore furlongs, called Emmaus.
14 And they talked together of al these things that were done.
15 And it came to passe, as they communed together, and reasoned, that Iesus himselfe drewe neere, and went with them.
16 But their eyes were holden, that they could not know him.
17 And he sayd vnto them, What maner of communications are these that ye haue one to another as ye walke and are sad?
18 And the one (named Cleopas) answered, and sayd vnto him, Art thou onely a stranger in Hierusalem, & hast not knowen the things which are come to passe therein in these dayes?
19 And he said vnto them, What things? And they sayd vnto him, Of Iesus of Nazareth, which was a Prophet, mightie in deede and in word before God, and all people,
20 And howe the hie Priests, and our rulers deliuered him to be condemned to death, and haue crucified him.
21 But we trusted that it had bene he that should haue deliuered Israel, and as touching all these things, to day is ye third day, that they were done.
22 Yea, & certaine women among vs made vs astonied, which came early vnto the sepulchre.
23 And when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had also seene a vision of Angels, which sayd, that he was aliue.
24 Therefore certaine of them which were with vs, went to the sepulchre, and found it euen so as the women had sayd, but him they saw not.
25 Then he sayd vnto them, O fooles and slowe of heart to beleeue all that the Prophets haue spoken!
26 Ought not Christ to haue suffered these things, and to enter into his glory?
27 And he began at Moses, & at all the Prophets, and interpreted vnto them in all the Scriptures the things which were written of him.
28 And they drew neere vnto ye towne, which they went to, but he made as though hee would haue gone further.
29 But they constrained him, saying, Abide with vs: for it is towards night, & the day is farre spent. So he went in to tarie with them.
30 And it came to passe, as hee sate at table with them, he tooke the bread, and blessed, and brake it, and gaue it to them.
31 Then their eyes were opened, and they knewe him: and he was no more seene of them.
32 And they saide betweene themselues, Did not our heartes burne within vs, while he talked with vs by the way, and when he opened to vs the Scriptures?
33 And they rose vp the same houre, and returned to Hierusalem, and found the Eleuen gathered together, and them that were with them,
34 Which said, The Lord is risen in deede, and hath appeared to Simon.
35 Then they tolde what things were done in the way, and howe he was knowen of them in breaking of bread.
36 And as they spake these things, Iesus himselfe stoode in the middes of them, and saide vnto them, Peace be to you.
37 But they were abashed and afraide, supposing that they had seene a spirit.
38 Then he saide vnto them, Why are ye troubled? and wherefore doe doutes arise in your hearts?
39 Beholde mine handes and my feete: for it is I my selfe: handle me, and see: for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me haue.
40 And when he had thus spoken, he shewed them his hands and feete.
41 And while they yet beleeued not for ioy, and wondred, he saide vnto them, Haue ye here any meate?
42 And they gaue him a piece of a broyled fish, and of an honie combe,
43 And hee tooke it, and did eate before them.
44 And he saide vnto them, These are the wordes, which I spake vnto you while I was yet with you, that all must be fulfilled which are written of me in the Lawe of Moses, and in the Prophets, and in the Psalmes.
45 Then opened he their vnderstanding, that they might vnderstand the Scriptures,
46 And said vnto them, Thus is it written, and thus it behoued Christ to suffer, and to rise againe from the dead the third day,
47 And that repentance, and remission of sinnes should be preached in his Name among all nations, beginning at Hierusalem.
48 Nowe ye are witnesses of these things.
49 And beholde, I doe sende the promes of my Father vpon you: but tary ye in the citie of Hierusalem, vntill ye be endued with power from an hie.
50 Afterward he lead them out into Bethania, and lift vp his hands, and blessed them.
51 And it came to passe, that as he blessed them, he departed from them, and was caried vp into heauen.
52 And they worshipped him, and returned to Hierusalem with great ioy,
53 And were continually in the Temple, praysing, and lauding God, Amen.

Grace and peace to you this Lord’s Day, and through the new year.

I would like to draw your attention to a new link in the sidebar, Life in the Holy Land. Todd Bolen is Associate Professor of Biblical Studies, The Master’s College, Israel Bible Extension (IBEX), in the Judean Hills of Israel. He blogs at BiblePlaces Blog. Life in the Holy Land is an extensive collection of photographs, drawings, and maps of the biblical lands from the 19th and 20th centuries. I’ll let Todd tell you about it:

I am a teacher in Israel. An hour from now I am going to drive down to the airport and pick up a group of 50 seminary students from the U.S. Three weeks from now, when they depart after their intensive studies of the land of Israel, their understanding of the Bible will be revolutionized. I love to watch the “lights go on,” and in more than a decade of doing this, I have never seen one person who didn’t feel like the trip was worth every penny.

So I try to get as many people to Israel as I can. But some can’t come, for various reasons. And so I try to bring Israel to them. This I have been doing now for five years with the development of the Pictorial Library of Bible Lands. But recently I’ve decided that that is not enough. Modern photographs are great, but they are limited to showing life as it is today. So now I’m trying something new – to take people back to the land and peoples of Palestine in the 1800s. That’s not Bible times, to be sure, but it is traditional times, before the wave of modernization and the population explosion.

You can see, from photo graphs of a hundred years ago, what the land looked like before four-lane highways and ten-story apartment complexes were built. You can see the ways of the native people, doing things the way they had for hundreds or thousands of years, before combines and railways forever altered agriculture and transportation.

So how did the ancients plow and harvest? What was fishing on the Sea of Galilee like? How did leprosy affect its victims, and what does the imagery of Psalm 23 really mean? For this and dozens of other similar subjects, I created www.LifeintheHolyLand.com. The travelers’ descriptions are unlike any that you can find today, and a picture, of course, is worth a thousand words. Life in the Holy Land is not only a trip across the world, it is a trip back in time.

Life in the Holy Land will be an excellent resource for pastors, teachers, or anyone interested in the geography, history, and culture of the Holy Land.

I also recommend Todd’s BiblePlaces.com.

Once upon a time there was a Prince who was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words.

One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say “My darling”.

But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking, bringing the total number of silent years to five.

But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited another four years without speaking. Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.

Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, “My darling, I love you. Will you marry me?”

And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said:

“Pardon me?”

I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

HYMN 3, C.M.
The death and burial of a saint.
by Isaac Watts (1674-1748)

hy do we mourn departing friends,
Or shake at death’s alarms?
’Tis but the voice that Jesus sends
To call them to his arms.

Are we not tending upward too
As fast as time can move?
Nor would we wish the hours more slow
To keep us from our love.

Why should we tremble to convey
Their bodies to the tomb?
There the dear flesh of Jesus lay,
And left a long perfume.

The graves of all his saints he blessed,
And softened every bed;
Where should the dying members rest,
But with the dying Head?

Thence he arose, ascending high,
And showed our feet the way;
Up to the Lord our flesh shall fly,
At the great rising day.

Then let the last loud trumpet sound,
And bid our kindred rise;
Awake, ye nations under ground;
Ye saints, ascend the skies.

—from The Psalms & Hymns of Isaac Watts. Hymns and Spiritual Songs. Book II: Composed on Divine Subjects (Soli Deo Gloria, 1997).

salms 8 (Geneva Bible)
To him that excelleth on Gittith. A Psalme of Dauid.
1 O lord our Lord, how excellent is thy Name in all the worlde! which hast set thy glory aboue the heauens.
2 Out of the mouth of babes & suckelings hast thou ordeined strength, because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemie and the auenger.
3 When I beholde thine heauens, euen the workes of thy fingers, the moone and the starres which thou hast ordeined,
4 What is man, say I, that thou art mindefull of him? and the sonne of man, that thou visitest him?
5 For thou hast made him a little lower then God, and crowned him with glory and worship.
6 Thou hast made him to haue dominion in the workes of thine hands: thou hast put all things vnder his feete:
7 All sheepe and oxen: yea, and the beastes of the fielde:
8 The foules of the ayre, and the fish of the sea, and that which passeth through the paths of the seas.
9 O Lord our Lord, howe excellent is thy Name in all the world!

Grace and peace to you this Lord’s Day.

The staff of the Thirsty Theologian is taking the weekend off. Tell your own jokes, read your own Bibles (paraphrases and DE translations will be disqualified), and read some Reformation or Puritan literature. Go to church, sing loud, and don't fidget during the sermon.

The Contest: in lieu of a Saturday Stupidity post, submit a joke in the comments of this post. The winner will be chosen by an expert panel of judges whose sense of humor may not be anything like yours. Submissions will also be judged according to rules of correct grammar, so don't write it the way most people tell jokes ("So, this guy goes into a bar, see, and there's this penguin wearing a toupee..."). The winner will receive his choice of a Thirsty Theologian Geneva Mug or Sola Crania Cap. Submissions stolen from here, although clever, will be disqualified.

See you next week.

Note: Yes, I am aware that the web address on the merchandise does not match this address. I will be moving to that address, and then the cosmos will be in balance once again.

Update: The contest will run through Thursday, and the winner will be announced on Friday.

Last week there was no Saturday Stupidity post. There was also no Lord's Day post, or much else this week. Instead, I challenged you readers to submit jokes in a competition for coveted Thirsty Theologian merchandise.

Well, it seems that either our readership is exceedingly shy, comedy challenged, or just doesn't want our stinkin' stuff, because only a few brave souls bothered to participate. To my surprise, all were good submissions.

Two of them had previously appeared in Saturday Stupidity posts, one of them verbatim (the poster no doubt got it from another site, which got it here, or he was having fun with me).

This one, submitted by Daniel, was classic Saturday Stupidity style:

Ghandi walked barefoot most of the time, which, as you can imagine, produced signficant callouses on his feet. Likewise, being an acetic, he ate very little, and consequently was quite frail. His odd diet didn't help his oral hygiene either, something which (contrary to the popular image of Ghandi) troubled him greatly, as it meant that he suffered from bad breath most of his adult life.

Some say that is why he was called a .... super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

Certainly, that one deserves an honorable mention. However, there were two others that scored marginally higher that our expert panel of judges are still arguing over, so a decision has not been rendered. I will post both of them tomorrow, and the winner will be announced.

Thanks to all who participated.

Last Friday we began a week-long contest. Participants submitted jokes, and the winner was promised a Thirsty Theologian Geneva Mug or Sola Crania Cap. In spite of a small turn-out for the contest, some truly good jokes were presented. Yesterday, we had narrowed the field down to two contenders, which I present to you now.

From Daniel:

Two gentlemen are seated at a bar (a drinking establishment). One of them, gazing out the window at a sheer cliff, remarks to the fellow beside him, "Every day around this time there is an updraft from that cliff over there that is so strong a man could leap off the cliff, and the updraft would carry him back up safe and sound."

The other fellow was unconvinced and so the pair left the bar and stood at the cliff. The first man then leapt off the cliff to demonstrate this remarkable updraft. He plummeted hundreds of feet, slowed down, then began to rise slowly - and sure enough, within a minute or so was safely buffeted back to his original perch. He demonstrated this rare updraft thrice with such profound calm and confidence that the other fellow leapt off the cliff to experience the effect - but only fell to his own demise.

Upon returning to the bar, the bartender replied to the first man, "Don't get me wrong, but you sure get mean when you're drunk Superman..."

From Jonathan Moorhead:

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

Now can you see the problem? Our judges were up most of the night struggling to come to a consensus. Finally, after much bitter contention, the increasingly acrimonious debate was ended when the one of the most belligerent panelists challenged another to "step out back and settle it like a man." So, after a trip to the emergency room and several stitches, the winner is:

[insert drumroll]

Daniel, for his mean drunk Superman.
(email me at thethirstytheologian@gmail.com with your choice of mug or cap and shipping address)

Congratulations to Daniel, and thanks to the rest of you who participated. To ease your disapointment, why not buy one of these and pretend you won it?

I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

Proofs of God's Power and Wisdom in the Creation and Preservation of the World
by Ralph Erskine (1685-1752)

he Lord Jehovah built the skies,
And reared this stately frame;
The wide creation testifies
The greatness of His name.

The liquid element below
Was gathered by His hand;
The rolling seas together flow,
And leave the solid land.

To Him, the Maker, does pertain
What in the ocean is;
The finny people of the main,
And monsters there, are His.

The dusky shades of hell that lie,
Wrapped up in webs of night.
May well elude the solar eye,
But not th’Almighty’s sight.

Death and destruction do in vain,
Their sable covering spread,
And in their secret vaults enchain,
Or fast lock up the dead.

The eye of the Almighty does
Their spoils entire survey;
And no distinction ever knows
Between the night and day.

He, o’er the airy empty place,
In pomp displays on high
The wide expanse, and ample space,
Of all the northern sky.

The ponderous earth, at His command,
Hangs in the ambient air;
No pillars bear the fabric grand,
But just His will and care.

He bids the clouds with water pent,
Imprisoned tempests chain;
Then their big floating wombs, unrent,
Suspend the birth of rain.

Again He bids their bosom ope,
And down the blessing pours,
To feed the lab’ring farmer’s hope
With warm prolific show’rs.

Lest His high throne, so dazzling bright,
By naked eyes unseen,
With too much glory oppress our sight,
He spreads His clouds between.

He raises rocky fences round
The spacious swelling deep,
Which do the raging billows bound,
Mad waves in prison keep.

That while the rule of day and night,
The sun and moon maintain,
The rolling seas may have no might
To drown the earth again.

High hills that pillars seem and props
Of heaven’s expanded roof,
Do quake, and bow their towering tops
Aghast at His reproof.

He cleaves the main, bids billows rise,
Then curbs the swelling tide;
How soon they cope with clouds and skies,
So soon He lays their pride.

The trembling waves at His command,
Creep softly to the shore;
Storms over-awed do silent stand,
Do quickly cease to roar.

Thus lawless seas He does control,
Diversifies the deep;
He makes the sleeping billows roll,
The rolling billows sleep.

He spreads the heavens, their azure face
He garnished by His might;
And did them most profusely grace
With constellations bright.

His hand the crooked serpent made;
But who can speak his art?
Of whom all’s nothing that is said,
We know so small a part.

Who can the utmost force explore
Of His almighty hands?
For even the thunder of His pow’r
What mortal understands?

—from Worthy Is the Lamb (Soli Deo Gloria, 2004).

salme 22 (Geneva Bible)
To him that excelleth vpon Aiieleth Hasshahar. A Psalme of Dauid.
1 My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me, and art so farre from mine health, and from the wordes of my roaring?
2 O my God, I crie by day, but thou hearest not, and by night, but haue no audience.
3 But thou art holy, and doest inhabite the prayses of Israel.
4 Our fathers trusted in thee: they trusted, and thou didest deliuer them.
5 They called vpon thee, and were deliuered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded.
6 But I am a worme, and not a man: a shame of men, and the contempt of the people.
7 All they that see me, haue me in derision: they make a mowe and nod the head, saying,
8 He trusted in the Lord, let him deliuer him: let him saue him, seeing he loueth him.
9 But thou didest draw me out of ye wombe: thou gauest me hope, euen at my mothers breasts.
10 I was cast vpon thee, euen from ye wombe: thou art my God from my mothers belly.
11 Be not farre from me, because trouble is neere: for there is none to helpe me.
12 Many yong bulles haue compassed me: mightie bulles of Bashan haue closed me about.
13 They gape vpon me with their mouthes, as a ramping and roaring lyon.
14 I am like water powred out, and all my bones are out of ioynt: mine heart is like waxe: it is molten in the middes of my bowels.
15 My strength is dryed vp like a potsheard, and my tongue cleaueth to my iawes, and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.
16 For dogges haue compassed me, and the assemblie of the wicked haue inclosed me: they perced mine hands and my feete.
17 I may tell all my bones: yet they beholde, and looke vpon me.
18 They part my garments among them, and cast lottes vpon my vesture.
19 But be thou not farre off, O Lord, my strength: hasten to helpe me.
20 Deliuer my soule from the sword: my desolate soule from the power of the dogge.
21 Saue me from the lyons mouth, and answere me in sauing me from the hornes of the vnicornes.
22 I wil declare thy Name vnto my brethren: in the middes of the Congregation will I praise thee, saying,
23 Prayse the Lord, ye that feare him: magnifie ye him, all the seede of Iaakob, and feare ye him, all the seede of Israel.
24 For he hath not despised nor abhorred ye affliction of the poore: neither hath he hid his face from him, but when he called vnto him, he heard.
25 My prayse shalbe of thee in the great Congregation: my vowes will I perfourme before them that feare him.
26 The poore shall eate and be satisfied: they that seeke after the Lord, shall prayse him: your heart shall liue for euer.
27 All the endes of the worlde shall remember themselues, and turne to the Lord: and all the kinreds of the nations shall worship before thee.
28 For the kingdome is the Lords, and he ruleth among the nations.
29 All they that be fat in the earth, shall eate and worship: all they that go downe into the dust, shall bowe before him, euen he that cannot quicken his owne soule.
30 Their seede shall serue him: it shalbe counted vnto the Lord for a generation.
31 They shall come, and shall declare his righteousnesse vnto a people that shall be borne, because he hath done it.

Grace and peace to you this Lord’s Day.

Welcome to the new home of the Thirsty Theologian. Blogging has been sparse lately, and this is why:

Moving the blog — Loki had promised to do most of the work on this move, but he didn't come through and I ended up building the new templates. Now there are posts to move, and he's still slacking.

Remodeling — we are remodeling a laundry/bathroom and laying hardwood floors in the living room and a bedroom. Loki said he would help with that, too, but I'm starting to lose confidence in him. Measuring, figuring, planning, shopping for fixtures and cabinets, all take time and aspirin.

Speaking of aspirin, I've been explaining things like this to kids who would rather not do them:

x = 7½

I left out the steps to the solution so you can ask your dad to explain it to you. Bring aspirin. The slower you are, the more he will need.

The move from Blogger to Movable Type was not as complicated as anticipated, but new is new, and there is a lot to learn.

We will get back on track when we can, so please bear with us. The old site will be open until the move is complete, but from now on this is where the action (such as it is) will be.

We would like to commend Jonathan Moorhead for doing his part for the church growth movement. In one day, without the use of a survey or any gimics, he has increased his contribution to the membership of his church by fifty percent. You can read about his brilliant church growth strategy here.

Second, we want to know who that kid in the picture really is. He is clearly not old enough to be the eminent theologian (almost)Dr. Jonathan Moorhead, or a father of four. We simply do not believe it. We are not that gullible here.

Today, I am going to go out on a limb and recommend a book that I have not read, and in fact will not be available until sometime in March. The Archeological Study Bible will be, as far as I know, the only Study Bible of its kind. It will not contain theological commentary, but will instead feature historical and archeological information.

I am not thrilled with the publisher's choice of translation (NIV), but I am excited to see the accompanying articles and pictures. It should be a very useful tool for the average reader who wants to better understand the historical context of Scripture. I know I'll be getting one.

One of the contributors, and the initial reason for my interest, is Todd Bolen of The Master's College. His work was featured in this article earlier this month. You can read what Todd has to say about The Archeological Study Bible here.

Related links:
Archeological Study Bible
Bible Places
Life in the Holy Land
Bible Places Blog

A man was leaving the local café one morning when he noticed an ad on the bulletin board by the door that read:

Dog for Sale
Black mixed breed
Good watchdog
Loves children

He had been thinking about getting a dog for his kids, so he decided to check it out. He drove to the address on the ad, went to the door, and knocked.

“I’m here about the dog,” he said when the owner answered the door.

“Sure, he’s out back. Follow me.” He led the man to the back yard, where the dog was lying in the sun. Just as they were stepping through the back door, the phone rang.

“Excuse me,” said the owner, leaving the man in the yard with the dog. The dog hopped up and trotted toward him, wagging his tail. The man hunkered down and scratched his ears.

“You’re a nice dog, aren’t you?” he said. “Kind of old, though. I was looking for a younger dog.”

“Yeah, and I was hoping for a smarter owner, too,” said the dog. Astonished, the man stepped back.

“You can talk?” he stammered.

“Yep,” the dog replied.

“How’d you learn that?”

The dog settled back on his haunches, thought for a moment, and began, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young, and really had some high expectations. I applied for work several places, including the military and NASA. Unfortunately, in spite of my unique talent, they turned me down. I suspect it was because of my mixed-breed background, but I can’t prove that. It was all for the best, though, because eventually I got connected with the CIA. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for years. But, the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So, I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The man was amazed. As the dog was finishing his story, his owner returned.

“How much for the dog?” the man asked, willing to pay almost any price.

The owner replied, “Fifty bucks.”

“But this dog is incredible! Why would you sell him so cheap? Why are you selling him at all?”

Shaking his head, the owner replied, “He’s such a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

DIVINE MERCIES

Thou Eternal God,

hine is surpassing greatness, unspeakable
goodness, super-abundant grace;
I can as soon count the sands of ocean’s ‘lip’
   as number thy favours towards me;
I know but a part, but that part exceeds all praise.
I thank thee for personal mercies,
   a measure of health, preservation of body,
   comforts of house and home, sufficiency of food
      and clothing,
   continuance of mental powers,
   my family, their mutual help and support,
      the delights of domestic harmony and peace,
      the seats now filled that might have been vacant,
   my country, church, Bible, faith.
But, O, how I mourn my sin, ingratitude, vileness,
   the days that add to my guilt,
   the scenes that witness my offending tongue;

All things in heaven, earth, around, within, without,
      condemn me–
   the sun which sees my misdeeds,
   the darkness which is light to thee,
   the cruel accuser who justly charges me,
   the good angels who have been provoked to leave
      me,
   thy countenance which scans my secret sins,
   thy righteous law, thy holy Word,
   my sin-soiled conscience, my private and
      public life,
   my neighbours, myself–
         all write dark things against me.
I deny them not, frame no excuse, but confess,
   ‘Father, I have sinned’;
Yet still I live, and fly repenting to thy outstretched
      arms;
   thou wilt not cast me off, for Jesus brings me near,
   thou wilt not condemn me, for he died in
      my stead,
   thou wilt not mark my mountains of sin,
      for he levelled all,
   and his beauty covers my deformities.
O my God, I bid farewell to sin by clinging
      to his cross,
   hiding in his wounds, and sheltering in his side.

salme 29 (Geneva Bible)
A Psalme of Dauid.
1 Giue vnto the Lord, ye sonnes of the mightie: giue vnto the Lord glorie and strength.
2 Giue vnto the Lord glorie due vnto his Name: worship the Lord in the glorious Sanctuarie.
3 The voyce of the Lord is vpon the waters: the God of glorie maketh it to thunder: the Lord is vpon the great waters.
4 The voyce of the Lord is mightie: the voyce of the Lord is glorious.
5 The voyce of the Lord breaketh the cedars: yea, the Lord breaketh the cedars of Lebanon.
6 He maketh them also to leape like a calfe: Lebanon also and Shirion like a yong vnicorne.
7 The voice of the Lord deuideth the flames of sire.
8 The voice of the Lord maketh the wildernes to tremble: the Lord maketh the wildernes of Kadesh to tremble.
9 The voice of the Lord maketh the hindes to calue, & discouereth the forests: therefore in his Temple doth euery man speake of his glory.
10 The Lord sitteth vpon the flood, and the Lord doeth remaine King for euer.
11 The Lord shall giue strength vnto his people: the Lord shall blesse his people with peace.

Grace and peace to you this Lord’s Day.

Disclaimer: While Carla Rolfe is my source for this material, and therefore the instigator of this rant, she should not be held responsible nor should her character be impugned by anything contained in this post, stated or implied.

Carla Rolfe posted this last Saturday. I’ve seen it before, and let me tell you something: I’m sick and tired of men being made to look stupid by the feminist world, which, by the way includes the entire population of the free world, minus a minute fraction of the Church. And when I say “Church,” I mean the true body of Christ, not the nominal church. As irritating as that is, what irritates me more is when men accept the stereotypes invented by the emasculators and play along. While much of this list consists of valuable correction that many women sorely need, plenty of it plays into the “dumb, sports-obsessed, artistically ignorant, self-centered, little-boy-with-whiskers” stereotype. So here is my answer. I’ll try to keep my words simple and my sentences short, because I want the guy who wrote this to comprehend… I mean, get it.

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note…these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!

All are numbered “1” on purpose? Why? Because you can’t count any higher? Or because you are unable to prioritize? Maybe you’re just so arrogant that you think every single one of your concerns are paramount. Go ahead, spend all day in front of the television. I can’t imagine who’d miss you, anyway.

1. Men are not mind readers.

Oh, stop it. If you want an excuse for being clueless, be honest. It’s because you generally aren’t paying attention. Sure, women sometimes assume too much, but most of the time you just weren’t listening. Admit it.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Fair enough, but doesn’t it bother you to walk away from the toilet leaving the lid up? The seat has to come down first. I hope you know what that role of paper is for.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

You, sir, have no concept of reality. If you miss the game, the players still get paid, and the Packers still lose. It might surprise you to learn that if there was no game, the moon would stay in orbit, and the tides would… you do know what controls the tides, don’t you?

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

That depends on what you’re shopping for, doesn’t it? Be honest, if the quest is for power tools, boats, or firearms, instead of furniture or frilly things, your attitude is entirely different. How about showing some interest in something that someone else enjoys? How about actually developing a genuine interest in those things? No, I don’t always want to shop with my wife, any more than she does with me, but I usually don’t mind. I like being asked “does this look nice.” After all, my opinion of her appearance is the only one that should matter. How do guys like you even know how to buy your wife a gift? Do you know her sizes? I do. Yes, all of them.

1. Crying is blackmail.

You’re either stupid, utterly heartless, or both. It’s also possible that you have no conscience. Of course, some, maybe most, women are guilty of this at some time. Anyone of nearly-average intelligence can tell the difference between manipulative tears and the real thing, unless they haven’t been paying enough attention to know the woman who is crying. Right… I guess we’ve already covered that. Could you consider the possibility that she has a legitimate reason for tears, and it is something you did?

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

This one is kind of funny. It would be nice to get the straight scoop right away. I hope most men are not too dense to figure most things out without a roadmap. Wait, that one is coming. Isn’t there a contradiction here?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

I have to agree with this one; unless it’s chocolate or vanilla. This goes along with “brevity is the soul of wit.”

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

See, now you’re just a jerk. I’ll bet you’re not been married, and if you are, she’s staying only for the sake of the kids. This is where grace and truth are supposed to merge. We can do both.

However, ladies, take a lesson from this. We are problem solvers. Sympathy is good, and you should expect it, but if we let you go away comforted without telling you how to avoid similar pain in the future, we’ll be sorry, and so will you; and it will be our fault. You’ll be sure to point that out.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor.

That’s right, Prince Charming, you’re aroused by anything with a pulse, why isn’t she? I can hear it now: “Whaddaya mean, yer not in the mood? Yer awake, ain’tcha?” I have so much to say on this, but we would have to discuss it in private.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

In other words, you’re utterly unreliable. Your word isn’t worth anything at all. Unless you have retracted it, whatever you said six months, six years, or six decades ago is what can be expected of you. Don’t worry, it’s not a trap. Now is not too late to retract whatever you no longer believe.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

All women think they’re fat. I’ve known that since my oldest sister hit puberty. That’s why there is anorexia, but no opposite disorder. Anyway, she isn’t asking if she is fat (usually), she just wants to know if you’re still attracted to her.

This also is not the time for “No, those jeans don’t make you look fat, your big …,” no matter how hilarious you think it is. Trust me on that one.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

This one is usually true, except if it’s the guy who wrote this list. He probably meant it the way you took it. Get used to it. He’s not growing up any time soon.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Ladies, this one should be in the wedding vows. That’s all I’m going to say.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

We don’t have television, but we do watch DVD’s. First of all, nothing on television is important – nothing. However, I agree completely with this one. If I am going to watch something, I am going to watch all of it, or I don’t want to watch it at all. Suppose you are reading a book, and someone grabs it and tears a page out – just one page. You can go on reading, skipping the missing page, and you will probably get the gist of the story, but would you tolerate that?

Let me be more specific. Don’t ask what just happened. Pay attention. You must definitely never ask what is going to happen. That’s not how it works. If it hasn’t happened yet, you’re not supposed to know. If you have already seen it, and we haven’t, don’t spoil it. If you can, avoid statements such as, “O, haha, this part is good!”

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

We get ridiculed a lot for this, but the civilized world should be thankful that it is so. Columbus did not need directions, but he had navigational skills. While Mrs. Columbus probably got by with left and right, Christopher knew where north, south, east, and west were. So do I (I’ll speak only for myself, but this is an important skill that most men excel their women at). If I miss a turn and get off course, that doesn’t mean I’m lost. Give me just a couple of turns, and I’ll be back on track. If necessary, I’ll get out a map. In extreme cases, I’ll pull over while I read it. Only then, when my efforts have failed, will I ask for directions.

Don’t try to make a theological lesson out of this. It won’t apply. This is a good thing, part of being a man – taking care of business and fixing your own mistakes. If everyone thought like that, there would be no Democrats in Washington.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Yeah, that’s right, our idea of art is Dogs Playing Poker. I know what mauve is. I’m no aficionado of the arts, but I also know the difference between a recitative and an aria, and why Michelangelo’s David is not circumcised.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

You are no better than a dog. That’s all.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

This guy can’t tell if there is actually anything wrong, but many of us can. In the case that we sense there is something wrong, we will walk on eggshells, steeling ourselves against the inevitable eruption to come. It is really much better if you tell us right away.

On the other hand, when we say there is nothing wrong, it means (a) there is nothing wrong, or (b) there is nothing wrong that is worth upsetting you over, and if you leave us alone, we’ll get over it. Your options, in both cases, are (a) let it go, or (b) nag us half to death about it until we become visibly irritated, and you say, “See? There is something wrong! I knew it!” We probably won’t agree on which option is more fun, but (a) is definitely the right choice.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

True.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

That is, unless you are Meg Bundy. If you don’t know who Meg Bundy is, good for you. Really, if you actually care if we like what you are wearing, give yourself a gold star on your Good Wife chart. Thanks for asking.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

Life with you must be soooo boring.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

Probably true in many cases. However…

You’re a slob. You have enough clothes; they’re just not the right clothes. Have you ever had to wear a suit (the phrase “had to” is significant), perhaps to a funeral in January, and wore a ski jacket with your suit coat hanging out below because you don’t own an overcoat? Are your dress shoes black Nikes? Are black jeans “dressy?”

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

I hope you don’t mind if hers is, too.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

No, I’m not sleeping on the couch, and neither should my wife. I won’t hold my breath and bang my head on the floor, either. This is my bed, and I do mind. I hope she joins me. I don’t have a headache.

Today, in 1921, Italian-American tenor Mario Lanza was born Philadelphia Pennsylvania.

Click on the image to download a low-quality (24kbps) mp3 of The Lord's Prayer.