Last Friday we began a week-long contest. Participants submitted jokes, and the winner was promised a Thirsty Theologian Geneva Mug or Sola Crania Cap. In spite of a small turn-out for the contest, some truly good jokes were presented. Yesterday, we had narrowed the field down to two contenders, which I present to you now.

From Daniel:

Two gentlemen are seated at a bar (a drinking establishment). One of them, gazing out the window at a sheer cliff, remarks to the fellow beside him, "Every day around this time there is an updraft from that cliff over there that is so strong a man could leap off the cliff, and the updraft would carry him back up safe and sound."

The other fellow was unconvinced and so the pair left the bar and stood at the cliff. The first man then leapt off the cliff to demonstrate this remarkable updraft. He plummeted hundreds of feet, slowed down, then began to rise slowly - and sure enough, within a minute or so was safely buffeted back to his original perch. He demonstrated this rare updraft thrice with such profound calm and confidence that the other fellow leapt off the cliff to experience the effect - but only fell to his own demise.

Upon returning to the bar, the bartender replied to the first man, "Don't get me wrong, but you sure get mean when you're drunk Superman..."

From Jonathan Moorhead:

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

Now can you see the problem? Our judges were up most of the night struggling to come to a consensus. Finally, after much bitter contention, the increasingly acrimonious debate was ended when the one of the most belligerent panelists challenged another to "step out back and settle it like a man." So, after a trip to the emergency room and several stitches, the winner is:

[insert drumroll]

Daniel, for his mean drunk Superman.
(email me at thethirstytheologian@gmail.com with your choice of mug or cap and shipping address)

Congratulations to Daniel, and thanks to the rest of you who participated. To ease your disapointment, why not buy one of these and pretend you won it?