Kudos go to Daniel of Doulogos today, for successfully implementing Church Growth methods. While he has not published his strategy, it is obvious that he has taken the trend of targeting the young demographic to the extreme. Click here to read all about it.

A man went to Africa on a safari. While there, he came upon an elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man very slowly and fearfully approached the elephant, and gently removed the thorn from its foot. The elephant began to walk away, then turned and stared at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him. The man was terrified, until the elephant turned again and slowly continued on its way.

The man heaved a deep sigh of relief and thought, “I wonder, if I ever see that elephant again, if it will remember me?”

A few years later, the man went to the circus back in the States. He noticed that one of the elephants kept looking at him, almost like it knew him.

The man wondered, “Could this be that elephant I helped so long ago?” He decided to get a closer look.

With the elephant still giving him the staredown, the man moved in closer, getting right up in front of the elephant. Their eyes locked. An expression of recognition seemed to cross the elephant’s face.

It reaches down and picked the man up carefully with its trunk. It lifted him high in the air, holding him aloft as if to exalt him for all to pay homage, and made a full three hundred and sixty degree turn. Then, thrusting him even higher into the air, with a mighty swing of his trunk, sent him crashing to the ground below and trampled him into the ground.

Turns out it wasn’t that elephant.

I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

HYMN 3, C.M.
The new testament in the blood of Christ; or, The new covenant sealed
by Isaac Watts
(1674-1748)

HE promise of my Father’s love
Shall stand for ever good,”
He said; and gave his soul to death,
And sealed the grace with blood.

To this dear cov’nant of thy word
I set my worthless name;
I seal th’ engagement to my Lord,
And make my humble claim.

Thy light, and strength, and pard’ning grace,
And glory, shall be mine
My life and soul, my heart and flesh,
And all my powers, are thine.

I call that legacy my own
Which Jesus did bequeath;
’Twas purchased with a dying groan,
And ratified in death.

Sweet is the memory of his name
Who blessed us in his will,
And to his testament of love
Made his own life the seal.

—from The Psalms & Hymns of Isaac Watts. Hymns and Spiritual Songs. Book III: Prepared for the Holy Ordinance of the Lord's Supper (Soli Deo Gloria, 1997).

Psalme 36 (Geneva Bible)
To him that excelleth. A Psalme of Dauid, the seruant of the Lord.

1 Wickednes sayeth to the wicked man, euen in mine heart, that there is no feare of God before his eyes.
2 For hee flattereth himselfe in his owne eyes, while his iniquitie is foud worthy to be hated.
3 The wordes of his mouth are iniquitie and deceit: hee hath left off to vnderstand and to doe good.
4 Hee imagineth mischiefe vpon his bed: he setteth himselfe vpon a way, that is not good, and doeth not abhorre euill.
5 Thy mercy, O Lord, reacheth vnto the heauens, and thy faithfulnesse vnto the cloudes.
6 Thy righteousnesse is like the mightie moutaines: thy iudgements are like a great deepe: thou, Lord, doest saue man and beast.
7 How excellent is thy mercy, O God! therefore the children of men trust vnder the shadowe of thy wings.
8 They shall be satisfied with the fatnesse of thine house, and thou shalt giue them drinke out of the riuer of thy pleasures.
9 For with thee is the well of life, and in thy light shall we see light.
10 Extend thy louing kindnes vnto them that knowe thee, and thy righteousnesse vnto them that are vpright in heart.
11 Let not ye foote of pride come against me, and let not the hand of ye wicked men moue me.
12 There they are fallen that worke iniquity: they are cast downe, and shal not be able to rise.

Grace be with you, and Peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ronald Wilson Reagan
February 6, 1911 – June 5, 2004
40th President of the United States (1981–1989)
“Government is not the solution to our problems. Government is the problem.”
“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”

For all of my Papist readers:

An Irishman came into a bar one day and ordered three beers. He slowly drank them one after another. He ordered another three beers, same thing.

After a few evenings of this, somebody finally had the nerve to ask why he ordered three beers at a time, since the last one must have been quite flat when he got around to it.

“It’s for my two brothers who left for America. We agreed to always drink a beer for each other as long as we were alive.”

But, the night came when he ordered only two beers, and the entire bar fell silent. He ordered another two beers. Silence. He ordered another two beers, and the bartender finally expressed his sympathy for the dead brother.

“What? Dead brother? No, no, my two brothers are alive and well, I assure you. It’s just that I’ve given up beer for Lent.”

Father O’Flaherty tried to enjoy himself at a baseball game, but the man sitting next to him kept bothering him with a lot of questions. The priest bought a hot dog, and the vendor handed it first to the talkative man who passed it along to Father O’Flaherty, who downed it in one gulp.

This was the first time a hot dog had ever gone from the prying fan into the friar.

A new young monk arrived at the monastery.

He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He noticed, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. Concerned, he went to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk replied, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

So, the abbot went down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts were held in a locked vault that hadn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours went by.

The young monk got worried and went downstairs to look for him, and found him banging his head against the wall, crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asked the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word is ‘celebrate’.”

I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

The Friend Who Asked What God Is
by Augustus Toplady (1740-1778)

s there a man whose daring hand
Can number every grain of sand?
Can count the drops that fill the sea,
Or tell how many stars that be?
Who, then, shall strive to comprehend
Infinity that knows no end?
Who shall set bounds to boundless power

Restrain omnipotence, or lower
Eternity to one poor hour?
Believe me, friend, thou canst no more
The vast designs of God explore,
Than thy short arm can touch the skies,
Or fathom ocean’s deep abyss.
Who shall disclose his Maker’s plan,

Or dare His secret will to scan?
Shall feeble, guilty, finite man?
None but perfection, such as His,
Can know th’Almighty as He is;
His glory never can be brought
Adapted to a mortal’s thought.
Consider where thou art, and fear

This unseen witness always near.
Dive not into His deep decree,
The object’s too elate for thee;
Thou must not ask, nor wish to see.
Cast each presumptuous doubt away;
Remember thou art, at best, but clay,
Whose only province is t’obey.

—from Worthy Is the Lamb (Soli Deo Gloria, 2004).

Psalme 43 (Geneva Bible)

1 Ivdge me, O God, and defend my cause against the vnmercifull people: deliuer mee from the deceitfull and wicked man.
2 For thou art the God of my strength: why hast thou put me away? why goe I so mourning, when the enemie oppresseth me?
3 Sende thy light and thy trueth: let them leade mee: let them bring mee vnto thine holy Mountaine and to thy Tabernacles.
4 Then wil I go vnto the altar of God, euen vnto the God of my ioy & gladnes: and vpon the harpe wil I giue thanks vnto thee, O God, my God.
5 Why art thou cast downe, my soule? and why art thou disquieted within mee? waite on God: for I will yet giue him thankes, he is my present helpe, and my God.

Grace be with you, and Peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

Having nothing to say for myself, and wanting to post more than once a week, I decided to post this item that I received in an email some time ago. I don't know who the original author is. I wish it was me, but it was not.

"With the death toll from the tsunami likely to hit 150,000, is the Bush administration finally ready to admit that the war in Iraq was a mistake?" asked a reporter.

Scott just stared back silently in response.

"Bush's tubby press secretary was rendered speechless by my insightful question," the reporter said aloud as he wrote in his notepad.

"Okay! That's it!" Scott shouted angrily, "I put up with your questions about whether Laci Peterson and her child would still be alive if it weren't for the war in Iraq and whether the Matrix sequels would have been better if we hadn't 'rushed to war,' but now I'm drawing the line. I want some relevant questions."

"How do you respond to the water god Pochanto saying that the tsunami is in retaliation to Abu Grahib?" another reporter asked.

"Who?" Scott exclaimed, "How do you know that's not just some crazy guy?"

"It's not our job as reporters to 'know,'" the reporter responded indignantly, "It’s our job to say stuff and things to the public." All the other reporters nodded in agreement.

"Well, even accepting your idiotic premise, the tsunami was caused by an earthquake, so..."

"You admit the Bush administration angered the earth gods then?" one reporter interjected.

"No! There is no relation between the White House policies and the tsunami!"

"Then why weren't there tsunami during other presidencies, such as the revered Clinton administration?"

"Yeah," another reporter followed up, "Why won't Bush ever admit to a mistake and that he has angered the spirits of nature?"

"And how do you respond to the U.N. calling the U.S. stingy in this crisis?"

"How much have you reporters given to help?" Scott challenged.

"It's not our job to end suffering," a reporter answered, "It's just our job to tell people about suffering." The other reporters nodded in agreement.

Rumsfeld burst through a wall. "Rarr! We will not be stingy with our righteous vengeance!" Rumsfeld yelled as he violently tried to grab the reporters. A chain was holding him back, the end of which was in Chomps's mouth.

"Please excuse the Secretary of Defense," Scott said, "He's been very agitated with reporters since one planted a question with a soldier. Thus, we got Chomps, the world's angriest dog, to hold him back."

"Is there any chance that dog will become angry at us instead of the chain he's holding?"

"Well..."

Chomps stopped violently tugging on the chain to notice the reporters. He then growled, releasing Rumsfeld who shouted "Rarr!" and jumped at the press. Chomps followed suit.

* * * *

"A whole press conference of reporters was found dead today," the news anchor announced, "All were either mauled, beaten with a chain, or both. Police have no specific suspects but say it was probably the work of an extremist... such as a Christian. All detectives are sure of so far from the evidence collected is that Bush's Press Secretary is 'tubby.' Now stay tuned for a report on how this somewhat senseless slaughter of reporters could have been avoided if it weren't for President Bush's rush to war."

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, fishing with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade about his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went and he didn't see her. On Thursday, the swelling went down just enough so he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

I have not always been a dignified theologian. Back in the '80's, I had the moves, baby (click the buttons on the right to see how many).

I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

GOD ENJOYED

Thou incomprehensible
but prayer-hearing God,

nown, but beyond knowledge,
revealed, but unrevealed,
   my wants and welfare draw me to thee,
   for thou hast never said, ‘Seek ye me in vain’.
To thee I come in my difficulties, necessities,
      distresses;
   possess me with thyself,
      with a spirit of grace and supplication,
      with a prayerful attitude of mind,
      with access into warmth of fellowship,
   so that in the ordinary concerns of life
      my thoughts and desires may rise to thee,
   and in habitual devotion I may find a resource
      that will soothe my sorrows,
      sanctify my successes,
      and qualify me in all ways for dealings
      with my fellow men.

I bless thee that thou hast made me capable
   of knowing thee, the author of all being,
   of resembling thee, the perfection of all excellency,
   of enjoying thee, the source of all happiness.
0 God, attend me in every part of my arduous
      and trying pilgrimage;
   I need the same counsel, defence, comfort
      I found at my beginning.
Let my religion be more obvious to my conscience,
   more perceptible to those around.
While Jesus is representing me in heaven,
   may I reflect him on earth,
While he pleads my cause, may I show forth
   his praise.

Continue the gentleness of thy goodness
   towards me,
And whether I wake or sleep, let thy presence
      go with me,
   thy blessing attend me.
Thou hast led me on and I have found thy
      promises true,
I have been sorrowful, but thou hast been my help,
   fearful, but thou hast delivered me,
   despairing, but thou hast lifted me up.
Thy vows are ever upon me,
   And I praise thee, O God.

—from The Valley of Vision, Arthur Bennett, editor (Banner of Truth Trust, 2002).

1 The God of Gods, euen the Lord hath spoken and called the earth from the rising vp of the sunne vnto the going downe thereof.
2 Out of Zion, which is the perfection of beautie, hath God shined.
3 Our God shall come and shall not keepe silence: a fire shall deuoure before him, and a mightie tempest shall be mooued round about him.
4 Hee shall call the heauen aboue, and the earth to iudge his people.
5 Gather my Saints together vnto me, those that make a couenant with me with sacrifice.
6 And the heauens shall declare his righteousnes: for God is iudge himselfe. Selah.
7 Heare, O my people, and I wil speake: heare, O Israel, and I wil testifie vnto thee: for I am God, euen thy God.
8 I wil not reproue thee for thy sacrifices, or thy burnt offerings, that haue not bene continually before me.
9 I will take no bullocke out of thine house, nor goates out of thy foldes.
10 For all the beastes of the forest are mine, and the beastes on a thousand mountaines.
11 I knowe all the foules on the mountaines: and the wilde beastes of the fielde are mine.
12 If I bee hungry, I will not tell thee: for the world is mine, and all that therein is.
13 Will I eate the flesh of bulles? or drinke the blood of goates?
14 Offer vnto God praise, and pay thy vowes vnto the most High,
15 And call vpon me in the day of trouble: so will I deliuer thee, and thou shalt glorifie me.
16 But vnto the wicked said God, What hast thou to doe to declare mine ordinances, that thou shouldest take my couenant in thy mouth,
17 Seeing thou hatest to bee reformed, and hast cast my wordes behinde thee?
18 For when thou seest a thiefe, thou runnest with him, and thou art partaker with the adulterers.
19 Thou giuest thy mouth to euill, and with thy tongue thou forgest deceit.
20 Thou sittest, and speakest against thy brother, and slanderest thy mothers sonne.
21 These things hast thou done, and I held my tongue: therefore thou thoughtest that I was like thee: but I will reproue thee, and set them in order before thee.
22 Oh cosider this, ye that forget God, least I teare you in pieces, and there be none that can deliuer you.
23 He that offereth praise, shall glorifie mee: and to him, that disposeth his way aright, will I shew the saluation of God.

Grace be with you, and Peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

Today’s interesting historical coincidence is the death of Ferruccio Lamborghini (1916-1993) on the birthday of Enzo Ferrari (1898-1988). Lamborghini, a tractor manufacturer, is said to have begun designing and manufacturing cars in a rivalry with Ferrari when he discovered that his car, a Ferrari, used the same clutch as his Lamborghini tractors.

Vice-president Dick Cheney shoots people. He shoots them, and then he tries to cover it up. If his latest victim had died, he would have buried the body in a shallow grave and no one would have been the wiser; or so one would think if he believed the news reports.

There was an accident. It seems that the failure to inform the press immediately is proof that Cheney, and therefore the Bush administration, and therefore the Republican Party, is bent on deceiving the nation, yea and verily, the entire world, AGAIN! My answer to the press is simple: It’s none of your business. It’s none of my business, either. It is Cheney’s business, and Harry Whittington’s business, and their friends’ and families’ business. It may be very interesting, and we may all be very curious, but that does not give us the right to poke our noses into a private near-tragedy. Why is the Vice-president expected to report a private matter to the press when no one else would be?

It is not our business, and it most definitely is not news. Hunting accidents happen all the time, although not nearly with the frequency of automobile accidents. The fact that a United States Vice-president was involved is not extraordinary, only interesting.

Some are pointing out that Cheney has not apologized. Really? How do they know? Because they haven’t heard him apologize into a microphone before the nation? I don’t need to hear him apologize. He didn’t shoot me. He didn’t shoot anyone in the press, either, although many of them certainly deserve it. The fact that Harry Whittington has said he is “sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this week” has been taken as an apology for getting shot, further villainizing the evil, power-mad politician who cares about nothing but manipulating the press and covering up his crime.

Cheney did what he was supposed to do: he informed doctors and law enforcement about the accident. No one else needed to know, and no one else needs to know now. If Cheney speaks to the press at all about this, it is a gift that they should thank him for. Instead, they act like it is their right to know. Personally, I would call a press conference just to tell them to mind their own business. I might even bring my shotgun.

Folks, the Vice-president is a man like any other. He has had an accident that I’m sure has shaken him as much as it would any of us. Leave him alone.

Spoiled brat media
What if Dick Cheney Hadn’t Stiffed the Press?

Identify this speaker. Hint: it is an elected official presently in office.

“While the deep concern of a woman bearing an unwanted child merits consideration and sympathy, it is my personal feeling that the legalization of abortion on demand is not in accordance with the value which our civilization places on human life. Wanted or unwanted, I believe that human life, even at its earliest stages, has certain rights which must be recognized — the right to be born, the right to love, the right to grow old.

“On the question of the individual’s freedom of choice there are easily available birth-control methods and information which women may employ to prevent or postpone pregnancy. But once life has begun, no matter at what stage of growth, it is my belief that termination should not be decided merely by desire. . . .

“When history looks back to this era it should recognize this generation as one which cared about human beings enough to halt the practice of war, to provide a decent living for every family, and to fulfill its responsibility to its children from the very moment of conception.”

A man returned from a trip overseas feeling very ill. He went to see his doctor and was immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series of tests. He was admitted to the hospital, gave a urine sample, and had blood drawn.

Several hours later, not only had he heard nothing, but no one had even come to check on him. He was about to step out of his room to inquire abot his status at the nurses station, when the phone rang. “This is your doctor,” said the voice on the phone. “We have the results back from your test and... I'm sorry, you have an extremely contagious deadly disease called ‘L.I.P.S’.”

“L.I.P.S.?” replies the man. “What in the world is that?”

“It's a combination of Leprosy, Impetigo, Pneumonia, and Smallpox,” explained the doctor. “It’s very rare.”

Panicking, the man asked, “what are we going to do?”

“Well, we're going to put you on a strict diet of pizza, pancakes, quesadillas and pita bread,” replied the doctor matter-of-factly.

“Will that cure me?”

“Well, no,” said the doctor, “but it's the only food that will fit under the door.”

I reioyced, when they sayd to me, We wil go into the house of the Lord. (Psalme 122:1 Geneva Bible)

HYMN 4 PART 2, L. M.
The inward witness to Christianity. 1 John v.10.
by Isaac Watts
(1674-1748)

uestions and doubts be heard no more,
Let Christ and joy be all our theme;
His Spirit seals his gospel sure,
To every soul that trusts in him.

Jesus, thy witness speaks within;
The mercy which thy words reveal
Refines the heart from sense and sin,
And stamps its own celestial seal.

’Tis God’s inimitable hand
That molds and forms the heart anew;
Blasphemers can no more withstand,
But bow, and own thy doctrine true.

The guilty wretch that trusts thy blood
Finds peace and pardon at the cross;
The sinful soul, averse to God,
Believes and loves his Maker's laws.

Learning and wit may cease their strife,
When miracles with glory shine;
The voice that calls the dead to life
Must be almighty and divine.

—The Psalms & Hymns of Isaac Watts. Hymns and Spiritual Songs. Book I: Collected from the Holy Scriptures (Soli Deo Gloria, 1997).

Psalme 57 (Geneva Bible)

1 Have mercie vpon me, O God, haue mercie vpon me: for my soule trusteth in thee, and in the shadowe of thy wings wil I trust, till these afflictions ouerpasse.
2 I will call vnto the most high God, euen to the God, that performeth his promise toward me.
3 He will send from heauen, and saue me from the reproofe of him that would swallowe me. Selah. God wil send his mercy, and his trueth.
4 My soule is among lions: I lie among the children of men, that are set on fire: whose teeth are speares and arrowes, and their tongue a sharpe sworde.
5 Exalt thy selfe, O God, aboue the heauen, and let thy glory be vpon all the earth.
6 They haue layd a net for my steps: my soule is pressed downe: they haue digged a pit before me, and are fallen into the mids of it. Selah.
7 Mine heart is prepared, O God, mine heart is prepared: I will sing and giue prayse.
8 Awake my tongue, awake viole and harpe: I wil awake early.
9 I will prayse thee, O Lord, among the people, and I wil sing vnto thee among the nations.
10 For thy mercie is great vnto the heauens, and thy trueth vnto the cloudes.
11 Exalt thy selfe, O God, aboue the heauens, and let thy glory be vpon all the earth.

Grace be with you, and Peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.