A pirate disembarked from his ship after a long while at sea and made his way to the nearest seaside tavern for some refreshment. Upon entering, the tavern keeper, an old acquaintance, greeted him loudly.

“Hey, long time, no see! What happened to you? You look awful!”

“What do you mean?” replied the pirate, “I feel fine.”

“Are you kidding? What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before!”

“O, that. Well, we were under attack, and a cannon ball took my leg off at the knee, but I’ve adjusted to it. I’m OK now.”

“Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

“That was another nasty battle. We had boarded a ship, and I was going one-on-one with the captain, and he took my hand off. I nearly bled to death, but I got fitted with this hook, and I’m alright now.”

“What about that eye patch? Did you lose an eye in a fight, too?”

“No, that was an accident. One day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye.”

“O, come on,” said the tavern keeper, “bird crap wouldn’t take your eye out.”

“It was my first day with the hook.”