“You see everything as black and white.”

That accusation is leveled at me on a regular basis. Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do. That, of course is because everything is black and white. For every question there is one correct answer. I am not exaggerating my opinion. As preposterous as it sounds, I believe exactly what I just said, and no less.

“All right,” you say, “I have forty-seven neckties in my closet. Which one should I wear?” Very clever, you are. You’ve got me there, you think. But not so fast; your question is too vague. Many, perhaps even most, questions appear gray on the surface; but on closer examination of the context in which they are asked, they become dark gray or light gray. Adequate knowledge of the situation, if that can be acquired, will always render an answer which is utterly black or white.

Now I no doubt must defend myself against the charge of situational ethics. Situational ethics is a system of ethics in which right and wrong are determined solely by the situation we are in at the time of the crisis, and there is no transcendent law governing our choices. That is not what I am suggesting. On the contrary, there is a law that encompasses all of life to the extent that it governs our most trivial choices. It is the law of God, contained in the Bible.

The Bible gives us, by my reckoning, three criteria for making choices. I want to say, in advance, that “a feeling of peace” is not among them. That is a myth that has been preached and written many times on the topics of “decision making” and “finding God's will.” (“Finding God's Will” is a much broader topic, and is not the topic of this article.) These are the three criteria:

1. Is it lawful?
2. Is it expedient?
   • Is it practical? (Luke 14:28-31)
   • Will it cause unnecessary offence? (Romans 14:13-23)
3. Do you want to?

Making correct choices is largely a matter of eliminating wrong choices. The first eliminating question is, has God forbidden it? This, of course, requires knowledge of the Bible. If you are too lazy, or uninterested, to dig into Scripture and learn, forget it. Second, is it expedient, that is, is it practical, and can I do it without offending my brother unnecessarily? Again, the Bible has much to say about wisdom, and there are myriad other questions to ask yourself based on the situation. Once you have eliminated the sinful and unwise choices (black), you are free to choose whatever you want (white).

This third choice, do you want to, is the trickiest part; for it requires that we live in such close communion with God that what he wants is what we want. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Does that mean that God will give you the object of your desire, or that he will give you the desire? It means that he will give you a desire that is consistent with his desire, and it naturally follows, then, that he will give you the object of your desire.

Now for a caveat: I said that “Adequate knowledge of the situation, if that can be acquired, will always render an answer which is utterly black or white.” Of course, adequate knowledge of the situation is not always possible, so we are left to make the best choice we can with the information we have. Often, we lack the maturity to discern the right decision even when we have all the right information. In short, there are many reasons why we make wrong choices, even though the right choice is available. Sometimes God teaches us by allowing us to make mistakes. But just because we can’t figure out the right choice, doesn’t mean there isn’t one.

Now, back to your necktie question, which I have said is too vague. What Biblical principles can be applied to this dilemma? Believe it or not, there are some.

I heard of a pastor who received a tie at a birthday party. He was urged to don it immediately, which he did. Soon the cake was produced, and to draw greater attention to the multitude of candles, the lights were extinguished. The darkness also drew attention to his necktie, which had on it a phosphorescent topless hula girl. If you have that tie, don’t wear it.

There, now you’re down to forty-six ties to choose from. Where are you going? Let’s say a funeral. The navy one with the bright yellow smiley faces is out, as is the one with Bob Tomato and Larry Cucumber on it. What would be wrong with them? Of course there is nothing inherently wrong with them, but wearing them might display a frivolous attitude, trivializing the occasion and offending the bereaved family. In the interest of considering others more important than yourself, you should yield the right to wear them.

Now you are considering the one with the grizzly bear standing up on its hind legs that you got at Cabela’s. It’s a beautiful tie, the colors are subdued and it goes perfectly with the brown herringbone your wife told you to wear. Then you remember that the deceased was killed on a hunting trip by a grizzly. Maybe it would be best to choose something else.

Examining the rest of your selection, you find nothing objectionable. Even those paisleys you bought back in the eighties are morally acceptable, although some denominations disagree about that. Now you are finished. The ties you have ruled out are “black”, and those remaining are “white”. Any of them will be fine. The one correct answer that I promised you is this: whichever one you prefer.

But wait; your daughter walks in and points to the tie she gave you for Father’s Day two years ago. The fact that you have never worn it has not gone unnoticed. “How about this one?” she says, smiling sweetly. It still has the tag on it, because kids don’t know they should remove them. K-mart; clearance; $2.95. Even the dear departed will notice your lack of sartorial sense. It is truly hideous, but it matches your suit, and you will wear it. Oh, yes, you will - because your little girl’s feelings are more important than your pride.