This is a sorry excuse for a Saturday Stupidity post, but I’m trying to maintain the theme of David’s current God Gave C₂H₆O series.

How many Baptists should you invite to go fishing with you?
At least two. If you take only one, he’ll drink all of your beer.

What’s the difference between a Baptist and a Presbyterian?
A Presbyterian will look you in the eye at the liquor store.

…and one for the Catholics, and to make up for the previous stinkers.

A Irishman entered a bar one evening after work, sat up to the bar, and ordered three beers. The bartender lined them up, and the Irishman slowly drank them before getting up and heading home. The next evening, he did the same thing. This time, the bartender asked, “Wouldn’t you rather have me pour one at a time?”

“No,” replied the Irishman. “You see, when I came here from Ireland, I left my two brothers behind. We promised each other that, wherever we were, we’d have one for them and think of each other. That way, it’s like they’re here with me.”

“Well, that sounds nice,” remarked the bartender, and filled three mugs. This continued for some time, until one night he came in and ordered only two beers. The bartender silently filled two mugs and left him to himself.

After a few days passed, and the Irishman continued to order only two beers, the bartender approached somberly and said, “I’m sorry for your loss. It must be difficult, being so far from home and all.”

“What do you mean?” asked the Irishman.

“Your brother, I mean. You haven’t said so, but you’ve been having only two beers for the last few days, so I assumed…”

“O, no,” replied the Irishman, “my brothers are both fine. It’s just that I’ve given up beer for Lent.”