Well, it’s Thursday already, and I find myself apologizing again for having nothing to say this week. I have actually written or begun to write several exceedingly astute and vitally important articles, but on closer examination, found them to be far less astute and important that they claimed to be. Some of them were reactionary diatribes, and I hate those. Anyone can troll the web and react to or comment on someone else’s work. Sometimes that is good and necessary, but more often it is lazy, contentious, or both. There are several things I would like to comment on, but very often I find that my comments do not really add anything positive to the mess. So, I have shelved several topics until my attitude improves. However, I don’t want to entirely waste my present cantankerous mood, so here are a few language offenses that really have to stop. Yes, these things really do irritate me. Irritability is my spiritual gift. So, for your edification, the list:

“24/7.” This one was clever for about five minutes, but like all clichés, became tiresome after being repeated 24/7.*

“…on so many levels.” This does not mean “in many different ways,” no matter how badly you want it to.

Periods after every word in a sentence, like this: Dumbest. Fad. Ever.

“From the get-go.” Where is the get-go? What is a get-go? It’s not the beginning. Beginning is spelled b-e-g-i-n-n-i-n-g.

“From day one.” Same as above, this just means “I’m too cool to say what I mean in plain English.”

“Been there, done that, [uber-cool option: ‘got the t-shirt’].” Whoa, Dude, I am sooo totally cool! Not only do I understand what you’re talking about, I can tell you so without being reduced to using actual sentences with nouns and stuff!

“I’m like…” “He’s like…” “She’s like…” does not mean “I/He/She said (or thought)…” It means “I’m stupid.”

This is by no means a comprehensive list. Please feel free to add others in the comments. Maybe if we can round up a large enough collection of ignorant, over-used slang phrases, we can get together and have a cliché burning party some night.