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2007·05·09 · 20 Comments |
| A Frivolous Two-fer |
I’m going to kill two birds with one 12-gauge light target load. First, Jen posted a quote from G.K. Chesterton that highlights a sad literary truth: “The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” Hard to believe, isn’t it? Sure, there may be a verse or two on cheese hidden away somewhere in a Shel Silverstein book, but I’m afraid this beautiful gift has been almost entirely, inexplicably, overlooked by the poets. I aim to rectify that.
Second, Brian, the sheepish one, has tagged me with one of those meme things. I reserve the right to arbitrarily choose to participate or not in any meme. Participation in this meme does not obligate me participate in any others. So there. So, here you go: cheese (or cheesy) poetry and 7 things that others may not know about me.
Cheese Couplets
Colby is fine, but what I like better
Is the lovely bouquet of extra-sharp cheddar.
For a good, tasty snack that will never miss,
Try a nice dunkel bier and a platter of Swiss.
My lips smack
When I eat Pepper Jack.
Grab a sheep and pull and squeeze—
That’s what it takes to make Bleu cheese.
Though Muenster cheese may sound quite German,
It’s American, like Munster (Herman).
Feta is a royal treat,
Although it smells a lot like feet.
When cheese smells bad, it means that it’s good—
I’d say that of my verses, if only I could.
7 Things about Me that You Might not Know
- I scored high on my driver’s license and hunter’s safety tests. The rest of my academic record is a wreck. In spite of my lack of formal education, I am a grammar tyrant. If you use the word “like” improperly, I might correct you — even if you’re in the middle of a sermon. I even appreciate it when others correct my grammar, spelling, & punctuation. I also love math. I admire those guys who memorize π to a bunch of decimal places. Off-hand, I can do 3.141592. I’m such a nerd that I actually use all those digits when I do geometry.
- Six of my eight children were born at home. I delivered four of them myself. My wife helped a little. She came in pretty handy.
- I have worked with dairy, swine, and beef. Pigs are smarter than cows. Cows are smarter than sheep. Sheep are smarter than Democrats. Democrats are smarter than straw bales. I have also worked in construction. Straw bales are smarter than drywall hangers.
- I‘ve been busted for drag racing on the highway. When I told my story — “We weren’t racing, I was just passing” — the judge laughed out loud. I was passing. Unfortunately, I was in the right lane.
- I’ve only been kissed by two women other than my wife. The first was my boss’s wife at a New Year’s Eve party. I never saw it coming. The second was a girl in a bar in Glasgow, Montana, who found out it was my birthday. I’m pretty sure she had thrown up recently. My kissing experiences after that have been much better.
- Andrea Bocelli
is my favorite tenor. Christopher Parkening
- My rugged good looks are only rivaled by my poetic skill.
There you go. Am I not a wonder to behold?
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20 Comments:
jen elslager
Rolling on the floor... gasping for breath... hahahahaha!!!!!
Garry Weaver
You sho is a funny guy. (I'm kinda a stickler on grammar too)
I need to know more about the drag racing incident.
David
Garry,
I hope this story doesn't make shipwreck of your faith.
It was on Highway 2 in eastern Montana, a section of road known to us road warriors as "the quarter." My opponent was a local boy who had just returned from a stint in the Marines. I had moved to town while he was away, so he didn't know how bad I was. I can't be too hard on him for being over-confidant, since I was driving my parents' car that night -- a '74 Ford LTD. He didn't know about the 460 police engine under the hood.
We sat side-by-side on the highway, exchanging tough looks and revving our engines like characters in a Beach Boys song. A car stationed 1/2 mile down the road flashed its lights in an all-clear signal, and we were off.
His car was much lighter and lower geared, so he shot off the line and immediately gained a considerable lead. I'm sure he was laughing at the kid who thought he could beat him in Dad's car. I reckon he stopped laughing at about the 1/8th mile mark when I shot past him like he was standing still.
It was also at about that point that the flashing lights appeared. I briefly considered keeping the hammer down and disappearing into the night, but I pulled over. My adversary pulled in behind me, looking sad in his hugger orange '66 Chevelle with a 396 and, if memory serves, American Torque Thrust II wheels.
CJ
"I have worked with dairy, swine, and beef. Pigs are smarter than cows. Cows are smarter than sheep. Sheep are smarter than Democrats. Democrats are smarter than straw bales. I have also worked in construction. Straw bales are smarter than drywall hangers."
I propose you replace "Democrats" with "politicians"
David
Sorry, CJ, but this blog makes no pretense of being "fair and balanced." We are undeniably biased.
Scott
"Though Muenster cheese may sound quite German,
It’s American, like Munster (Herman)."
That is a gem destined for greatness, no doubt about it.
rebecca
Loved the cheese poem.
And I have a little Hank Williams on my iPod. Don't tell anyone.
Garry Weaver
LIES!!! ALL LIES!!! Sorry I asked.
Annette
oh my... um... i hardly know what to say. :)
David
Garry,
It wasn't all lies. Let's say it was based on a true story. The other car was actually some early '70s Camaro. Does that make you feel at least a little bit better?
Brian @ voiceofthesheep
Thank you, David, for me no longer being the only guy who responded to being tagged!
Just to highlight your manly achievement of home births...all four of mine were at the hospital, with me as a spectator.
U thu man!
Even So...
like, why did I read thisposty thingys? watanoiants
David
Brian,
I wouldn't trade my experience for anything, but after doing it, I must admit that there's a lot to be said for the old way--pacing nervously in the waiting room, smoking.
JD,
Consider yourself delinked.
CJ
Oh, I wasn't proposing that you be fair and balanced. I was proposing that you look at the pure evil that is all politicians. They are all moving toward one world government.
BTW, nice website :)
David
CJ,
I wouldn't make such a blanket statement, even about Democrats. Even with the widespread corruption of politics, there are honest men on both sides with good motives. But Democrats are universally socialists, which is stupid as well as wrong. And I don't care one bit how good their intentions are when their hand is in my pocket.
This, by the way, is not a pro-Republican statement. Anyway, you're taking this all too seriously! Have some cheese!
Jonathan Moorhead
I know number 8 but I'm not telling. BTW, I thought Josh Groban would have trumped Bocelli.
jen elslager
When I make a dish with mozzarella
I want to sing out a cappella.
CJ
*stuffs mouth with cheese*
David
Jonathan,
Groban is good. I actually have a hard time choosing a favorite. Placido Domingo is pretty close to my favorite also.
Jen,
Did you know Mozzarella is made from skim milk? Don't fear the pizza!
lisa
I'm with Jen. I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.
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