I don’t imagine most of the readers of this blog are too interested in the doings of the ELCA. That’s the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, or Extremely Liberal Convocation of Apostates; take your pick. Having been Lutheran for nearly the first thirty years of my life, I can’t help but take notice.

In case you haven’t been paying attention, the ELCA has declared sodomy to be okey-dokey with them, and will now ordain sodomites, provided the sodomites in question are committed, monogamous sodomites. Well, yes, of course — you have to draw the line somewhere, after all.

This is all very interesting, in a hum-drum way, because I’ve been watching this happen since I was a wee Lutheran. (My head was still damp when I first heard the word “liberal” applied to those other Lutherans.) What interests me the most is that every time one of these controversies arises, there is always a “conservative” group in the mix that is shocked and dismayed that this could happen, and feels compelled to leave and join or start another denomination. In this case, I believe I read that someone has averred, “We haven’t left the ELCA; the ELCA has left us!” “Really?” I ask, “and exactly where were you standing when they left you?”

(This reminds me of an episode in my youth. You may skip this parenthetic paragraph, if you wish. I was a freshman in high school. I was walking home from somewhere, when a couple of seniors pulled over and offered me a ride. The offer was made with a beer momentarily raised into view, the implication being obvious. Throwing all good sense to the wind — like they really wanted a new drinking buddy in the form of an exceptionally uncool freshman — I got in. To make a long story short, I ended up two miles out of town, hoofing it home. The moral of the story . . . well, I think you get it.)

I began thinking that it might be interesting to do a little study of Lutheran history and draw up a chart (I love charts — and lists, and outlines, and . . .) to illustrate just how long these people were treading water before they noticed the boat had sunk. So I did. The chart that follows is by no means a complete picture of American Lutheranism. It only includes streams that flow into the present controversy. I am sure there are other splinter groups, but I believe all the relevant bodies are represented, and then some. Just don’t cite me in your thesis. I’ve used abbreviations and short forms for the sake of space. If you really need the full names, just ask.

The church in blue is my mother church. The red is the bad news. It’s not the acceptance of homosexuality, female clergy, or even theatre attendance or card-playing. It’s something far more insidious than any failure of orthopraxy. The red represents the introduction of higher criticism, which treats the biblical text as a human product rather than the very words of God (I may not have found all the entry points in my quick study, but that just means the picture could be even worse). That is the real problem. The smart theologians who began questioning authority didn’t intend to put a homosexual in the pulpit. They quite possibly considered female clergy; that idea is quite old. I don’t think they ever intended a wholesale rejection of Scripture; but once they opened that door, there was no reason not to say anything goes.

And you know, it really doesn’t matter. Note this well: God doesn’t care what you think about female clergy or homosexuality. He cares what you think of him. Your views on everything else, from playing the lottery to “marrying” your goat, are only reflections of your view of God. He has revealed himself and his will in Scripture, and when you reject his Word, when you ask, “Indeed, has God said . . . ?” you are rejecting him, and you are in as much trouble as you ever will be.

ELCA Presiding Bishop Mark Hanson, in a September 9th video message on the denomination’s website entitled Invitation to Conversation, asks, “What shall be our witness? What stories shall we tell?” Call me cynical, but I expect they’ll just keep on making up their own, like they always have.

And the good folks who have drawn the line at homosexual clergy? Until they stop creating a god in their own image, unless they turn back to Scripture as the very words of God, and their sole authority, so will they.