A couple of weeks ago, Tim Challies wrote an excellent article called Letting herself Go, about a woman’s responsibility to remain attractive to her husband. Predictably, it stirred up considerable controversy, receiving 271 comments (as of today), many of them from readers who, also predictably, missed the point, and many who appeared not to have actually read the article. For example, in spite of this paragraph,
It should be noted that in this way a man can let himself go just as much and it would be just as much of a sin. I know of women who have become utterly disgusted by their husbands—husbands who have given up, who do not show their wives the dignity of seeking to remain attractive to them. It is not just women whose clothes and whose appearance make a statement. It is not just women who ought to make a continued effort to be attractive and appealing and dignified.several people piped up with, “Oh yeah? What about men? Lots of men I know, blah, blah, blah . . .” But all that, as I have said, was predictable.
What caught my attention was the number of comments that included makeup among items necessary for good grooming. This has always been a pet peeve of mine — not that I’m completely against wearing makup, but the notion that a woman isn’t properly finished without it. This seems to be an almost universal opinion, at least among Americans, and it demonstrates a badly twisted definition of beauty.
What does it take to make a woman beautiful? Is it enough that she maintain her health, be clean and tidy, and dressed appropriately for the occasion, or does she need more? If you say “Yes, she needs more,” you may have an unbiblical definition of beauty. What is the biblical definition of beauty? Well, I’m glad you asked. For an answer, we need look no further than creation. Among all created things that God declared “good” were man and woman. There Eve was, as natural as could be: no makeup, natural hair color, and [gasp!] she hadn’t even shaved her legs! She was just as God made her, which tells us, even if God had not written it for us, that she looked good. She was beautiful. Whatever her skin tone, shape, or size, she was beautiful just the way God made her. And ladies, so are you.
I’ve been especially disturbed by several men I’ve known or known of who have told their wives that they liked them better with makeup. Men, before you say such things, think about what you are saying. Would you ever tell your wife, “Honey, you’re just not pretty enough without some embellishment”? I doubt you would say that. I hope you wouldn’t say that. But that is what “I like you better with makup” means: “You’re just not pretty enough.” Shame on you if you’ve ever said that. It’s not just an insult to her; it’s an insult to the one who made her that way.
I know some will object that the effects of the Fall have changed all that. Before objecting out loud, think it through carefully and be prepared to answer
- whether or not the Fall effected men, too, and
- if so, why don’t men wear makeup and shave their legs?
Reminder: This is not about whether or not it’s OK to wear makeup.
TrackBack URL: http://www.thirstytheologian.com/mt/mt-tb.cgi/1789
Share this post:
Posted in:
Link · 15 Comments · 0 TrackBacks
← Previous · Home · Next →
15 Comments:
#1 || 11·06·09··10:47 || Kim Shay
You may get a whole host of people objecting to your comment about Eve not shaving her legs :)
I tease hubby on and about staying attractive for me when I give him guidance about his choice of attire, i.e. he often has interesting color choices.
One thing I heard that was kind of disturbing was how an acquaintance of mine has a husband who insists on picking out her clothes. Her complaint? She did not feel modestly dressed in them. Apparently, he likes her to look a little more se*y than perhaps she feels comfortable, and not just in private. She was particularly unhappy because he wanted her to wear skirts shorter than she felt appropriate. I don't know how she handled it ultimately, but I'm glad that my husband doesn't really care what I wear as long as it was not overly priced, covers me sufficiently, and he didn't have to wait around while I bought it.
#2 || 11·06·09··13:48 || persis
Well said!
#3 || 11·06·09··16:09 || David Kjos
Kim,
I almost omitted the leg part, but then I thought it would be more fun to leave it in.
I’m probably more particular about appearance than is obvious in this post. There is a lot left unspecified in “dressed appropriately for the occasion.”
#4 || 11·06·10··03:29 || Kim Shay
When it comes to fashion in our house, I'm the picky one. I was not a Christian when I was a teenager, and I'm very sensitive about how I dress.
#5 || 11·06·10··04:48 || Pamela Nees
David~
I did love Tim's post. It was valid in every way. And yes, it is never about make-up!
Here's a fun reminder that in the animal kingdom, the male is always the more beautiful one, to attract his mate. (Just among the birds alone, consider the cardinal, goldfinch and peacock!)
So we stay healthy and clean and modest without putting anything before us that could be considered an idol. (That would include excessive shopping, a closet full of shoes, trendy styles, hair care, nail salons, etc.,) These are things that most women would not object to, but really-how many hair products do you need to use everyday...when children the world over are dying for lack of water? In all of this, it must be put into perspective. If the whole world was blind, would we still wear what we wear? Let's remember what is important, and have no idols that would separate us from God. Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceitful,and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." ESV
#6 || 11·06·10··05:20 || Peter W
My argumentative reflex wanted so badly to have a fundamental disagreement with you on this topic and argue that adornments appropriately enhance the beauty of women. But having just read through Song of Solomon and Proverbs 31, I could find a grand total of one verse praising a woman for her adornments. I'm afraid I must stand somewhat corrected on this issue, though I still have a gut-level issue with this.
I predictably find most beef with your last full-size paragraph where you interpret the attitudes of men who prefer women to wear makeup. I come to have this issue after once thinking as you did, that it was inappropriate to prefer women to wear makeup. I changed my perspective after a friend's "I-don't-care" attitude hurt the feelings of a young woman whom he was courting and who worked hard to appear beautiful to him.
Obviously I have some thinking to do to reconcile this past experience with what I've found (or not found) in scripture.
#7 || 11·06·10··05:25 || theresa
Excellent post. There is a time the Bible tells us that Jezebel wore make-up, the end result wasn't very good for her! ;)
#8 || 11·06·10··06:10 || J
Hurrah! I get so sick of people--people in the Church, mind you--telling me that "well, maybe you'd have more luck catching a guy if you..." Typically, their advice involves A) make-up, B) tight clothes/cleavage or C) flirting.
I do wear make-up on occasion. However, I like the way I look just fine and normally can't be bothered to go through the hassle of putting on a bit of mascara just so you can see my eyelashes.
#9 || 11·06·10··06:34 || asheley
On the rare occasions that I wear makeup, my husband tells me that I look really beautiful, but that I don't look like myself. (He thinks the non-made-up me is really beautiful, too, for the record!)
#10 || 11·06·10··07:47 || Staci Eastin
Hmmm. I'll have to think on this a bit. I'm not saying that all women should wear makeup, as I know several women who don't and are very lovely. And while there are some men who probably need to reexamine their thoughts/motives on what constitutes female beauty, I think that it's a bit unfair to automatically assume that a man who says he likes it when his wife wears makeup is saying that he doesn't think she's pretty enough without it. That seems to be a bit of a leap, and may be reading more meaning into someone's words than is fair.
As for me, I think certain colors suit my husband more than others, and I like it better when he's clean shaven as opposed to wearing facial hair (and I know a lot of women that prefer it when their husbands have a beard or goatee). That's just my personal preference, and it doesn't mean I think he's unattractive otherwise. I think women and makeup would fall under the same category.
#11 || 11·06·10··08:17 || April
I've always worn a little make up, and never thought much about it. Then a good friend mentioned one time, "I never wear make-up". That astounded me! I had never noticed! Her pleasant nature and hard-working spirit had made her good company, and I had honestly overlooked the fact that she didn't have cosmetics on. Since that epiphany, I've really thought about it. I do still put on a little, especially when we're going out. But moreso, I now work on my pleasant attitude. It sounds trite, but that's where the real beauty is.
#12 || 11·06·10··10:06 || Ray
The term "one" from "it’s an insult to the one who made her that way" should have a capital O, "One."
=)
#13 || 11·06·10··11:00 || David Kjos
Ray,
The capitalized pronoun in reference to deity is a pseudo-pious invention. Proper grammar does not call for it.
#14 || 11·06·10··18:38 || Jeni
I had a youth pastor in high school who would tell us often that if the barn needs painting, paint it. I still get a painful stab in my heart when I remember his hurtful comment.
I must say though, it took every ounce of restraint I had to not tell him his barn needed painting!!
#15 || 11·06·11··04:52 || David Kjos
Jeni,
That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.