We recently watched a movie in which an unlikely couple who don’t like each other are thrust into a working relationship (this was a drama, not comedy, so the usual “to hilarious effect” does not apply). You’ve seen that one, right? Yes, several times, under numerous titles. In this iteration, the couple was comprised of a late-thirties to forty-something man, experienced in their common profession, and a twenty-something woman, relatively new in the field. In one scene, the young woman has a nearly-fatal close call. Understandably traumatized, she breaks down in tears and falls into the arms of the stronger male character, who comforts her.
My immediate thoughts upon viewing the scene were, I wonder what feminist viewers think about this. Here are two professionals, equals (except for the difference in seniority and experience), supposedly interchangeable in all ways, but the woman is cast in an emotionally weaker role. Had the man dodged the bullet, even feminist Hollywood knows he would never have collapsed into his feminine partners embrace. That kind of power is normally wielded only by mothers (and mother figures), sisters, and wives — in other words, family. It is definitely not professional behavior, yet women can do it while men cannot and normally would not. And we all recognize these truths to be self-evident.
As we should. In a world obsessed with masculinizing women and feminizing men, we should be celebrating the differences, including those that seem less than admirable. As God has given the sexes different roles, he has given us different temperaments to fulfill those roles. The less-than-admirable characteristics I have in mind are 1) the insensitivity of men and 2) the emotional sensitivity of women, two opposites that cause immense frustration and conflict between the sexes. If you don’t know this, you’re obviously not married, and never had parents or opposite-sex siblings. You never had a crush on Susan in kindergarten and wanted to marry her (she said yes, by the way). You probably live alone on a remote island, where you were spontaneously generated from a stray speck of extra-terrestrial dust. Anyway . . .
Men are insensitive. So says the stereotype, and so observation proves. Men need to be insensitive. According to God’s design, men need to take the point in leading, protecting, and providing. They need to be able to roll with the punches, bind up their own wounds, and keep pushing forward. Men don’t have the luxury of stopping to cry over hurt feelings, or even actual harm. They need to move on, and the family and society are dependent on them to do so. God has given us calluses to enable us to fulfill his design. Our fallen natures makes inevitable the spreading of those calluses to undesirable places. So . . .
Thank God for women and their sometimes-maddening sensitivity. The maddening part is often a manifestation of sin’s corruption, but it very often is also maddening because it’s just very inconvenient to deal with. Maddening to us does not equal wrong. Just as men need, and are needed, to be insensitive, women need, and are needed, to be sensitive. God intends that women be the primary nurturers in the family. They need to be able to feel the pain of others, to bind up wounds of the heart as well as the flesh. If that tenderness bleeds over into moments of irrational emotion, it needs to be understood, just as men need understanding when they fail to empathize.
It is true that women often need men to tell them to get a grip on their emotions and get on with life, “shake it off and get back in the game.” It is equally true that men need women to remind them that empathy is a godly trait, one they would do well to develop as a part of loving neighbor as self and serving others as they should. However, on a fundamental level, these traits, though corrupted by sin, are complementary and a part of God’s design, and ought to be appreciated as such.
I expect this post has offended someone. Guess what? I’m a man — I don’t care! Ha!
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3 Comments:
#1 || 11·07·11··12:32 || Kim Shay
My daughter and I were talking about my beloved once, and she was quite surprised when I concurred with her that daddy doesn't always have a lot of empathy. She thinks it's an issue with daddy. I told her it was an issue with men, in general. She wasn't so sure. She'll find out some day.
#2 || 11·07·11··12:50 || David Kjos
“Men are jerks.” So I have been told.
#3 || 11·07·11··18:53 || WhiteStone
I'm a woman and I agree with you. As a side-note, I find myself relating more to how men think and less to women who deal with all things via emotion. I grew up with brothers only, so perhaps that explains it.