Grieving, Hope and Solace

Albert N. Martin has written what looks like an excellent book for those who grieve (and who will not, at some time?). The following excerpt brings biblical perspective to the inevitable emotions of the bereaved.

Our emotions need objective truth to guide them, and the subjective power of the Holy Spirit must harness and channel them in a godly way. Our current cultural climate affords little help to think biblically about this, so consider three texts of Scripture that prove this point.

Ezekiel 24:15–18. God taught the people of Israel a vital lesson through the death of Ezekiel’s wife, by giving Ezekiel what might seem like a strange command not to mourn her loss: “Son of man, behold, I am about to take the delight of your eyes away from you at a stroke; yet you shall not mourn or weep, nor shall your tears run down. Sigh, but not aloud; make no mourning for the dead” (24:15-17a). Ezekiel responds in an amazing way: “So I spoke to the people in the morning, and at evening my wife died. And on the next morning I did as I was commanded.” (24:18). I cite this text not to suggest that we are not to mourn when we lose a dearly loved one. Rather, I cite it to demonstrate that it is possible for our emotions to be brought under the control of the Word of God. Ezekiel was able to say, “I did as I was commanded” because he did not regard his natural emotions as having ultimate authority over his.

1 Thessalonians 4:13. “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have not hope.” In light of the death of their loved ones, Paul informs the minds of the Thessalonians so that what they know and believe will regulate and take precedence over their emotions. Paul obviously expects that the Thessalonians will grieve, yet he wants them to grieve in a distinctly Christian manner—one that will be patiently different form the way non-Christians grieve. Again, we see that we must not regard our emotions as ultimate. Rather, the objective truth of the Word of God informing the mind regulates the activity of the emotions through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 12:15. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” In giving this directive to all God’s people, the Holy Spirit does not insert parenthesis, saying “rejoice, (if you happen to be in a rejoicing mood)” or “Weep (if you happen to be in a weeping mood).” You may find yourself in a very exuberant mood, but when you come in contact with a brother of sister who is legitimately in a state of mourning, what should you do? You should recognize that your own present personal emotional state does not have ultimate authority over you. Rather, in Spirit-empowered self control, you can and should direct your mind to the concerns that brought your brother or sister into a weeping state, and you “weep” with them. The same is true with prospect to the mandate to “Rejoice with those who rejoice.”

Without question, if we will grieve to the glory of God, we must understand this second foundational principle from the Scriptures: Our emotions were not created by God to have ultimate authority over us. Where we fail in this area, as in any other, our guilt and sin are covered by the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Yet the difficulty of his command, and our frequent failure in seeking to obey it, does not alter our calling. We must use the power of the indwelling Spirit to make an ongoing, scripturally directed effort to reign in our emotions.

—Albert N. Martin, Grieving, Hope and Solace: When a Loved One Dies in Christ (Cruciform Press, 2011), 22–24.

Albert Martin cites two passages that should be memorized by “every Christian who wishes to grieve and die well.”

Second Corinthians 5:6–8. Paul declares to the church at Corinth his conviction that while he is “at home in the body” he is at the same time “away from the Lord.” He also declares his preference to “be away from the body and at home with the Lord.” Paul is absolutely confident that the moment his spirit leaves the body, he will instantly be in the presence of the Lord. And this is true for all who believe in the Lord Jesus:

So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

In every instance, Paul uses “we,” not “I.” Whether his subject is being at home in the body and absent from the Lord, being absent from the body and at home with the Lord, Paul constantly uses the first-person plural. The wonder of being instantly with Christ after death is not something reserved for saints of Paul’s stature. We will all know the same extraordinary joy.

. . .

Philippians 1:21–23. in this second passage, Paul affirms his confidence that death will be gain for him, but he also discloses his internal spiritual tug-of-war:

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.

On the one hand, he longs to be in the immediate presence of his Savior. On the other hand, he recognizes the Philippians’ need for his ongoing apostolic and pastoral labors. In the midst of conveying these thoughts he makes a simple and uncomplicated statement: “My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.”

Paul clearly does not think of death as ushering in some kind of “soul sleep” or “spirit anesthesia” until the day of resurrection. . . .

Dear child of God, have you faced the fact that you have both a right and a duty to know what is the immediate sequel to death for your dearest loved ones who die in Christ? On the basis of these two texts of Scripture, you have a right and a duty to believe and confidently expect that those who die in Christ are, in the full consciousness of their existence, immediately ushered into the very presence of the glorified lord Jesus Christ. You can know and rejoice through your tears that their death is gain, and that their gain is nothing less than ravishing face-to-face communion and fellowship with the Savior who has won their trust and captured the supreme affection of their hearts.

—Albert N. Martin, Grieving, Hope and Solace: When a Loved One Dies in Christ (Cruciform Press, 2011), 41–45.